HELP BOULDER COUNTY’S OWN HOMELESS PEOPLE, NOT TRANSIENTS!
By Max R. Weller
The first scamming panhandler is a young “traveler” with a dog, whom I naturally call Dog Boy. His UNLICENSED black-and-white canine companion subsists on a diet of scrambled eggs and stale pastries from Boulder Shelter for the Homeless — while Dog Boy himself spends your cash donations on marijuana so he can get stoned on a daily basis.
The second ne’er-do-well is the erstwhile ringleader of the pack of drunken sociopaths who, according to what neighbors have told me, were causing so many problems during the summer while I was stuck in Boulder Manor. He’s an older guy of small stature, who wears a pair of light brown overalls. Every penny you give to this fool goes into either rotgut vodka or cigarettes. BTW, he’s also the boyfriend of Donna the homeless drama queen; residents, business owners, and workers in this area will be happy to hear that Donna was involuntarily committed to Gov. Hickenlooper’s alcohol rehab facility at Ft. Lyon a few months ago, which offers year-long treatment for chronic alcoholics at an astronomical cost to taxpayers. I’m betting it doesn’t keep her sober when she gets out.
In other news, I had a visitor crawl underneath my tarp the other night, coming face-to-face with me . . . It was one of the rabbits I see around my campsite almost every day. It wasn’t scared, and I still haven’t figured out if it was after crackers or chips I keep in storage. I’ve also seen a couple of huge raccoons eating the leftovers I toss over the fence into an adjacent field; this was at 5AM when it was still dark, and at first I thought they were black bear cubs. Well-fed critters, regardless of species.
Might as well, so you can sleep at night even with Hillary in the White House.
That’s all for now. Be back sometime soon.