Weekend drama from Crazy Mike and Drunk Max in north Boulder


By [Sober] Max R. Weller

On Saturday, Drunk Max the guitar player (or former guitar player, since he’s now too drunk to do anything except make a fool of himself and pass out in public) attempted to “fly a sign” at the corner of N. Broadway & U.S. 36. He didn’t walk out to the median there until after he’d fortified himself with several swallows of rotgut vodka, and it hit him hard: Drunk Max was staggering from side to side and even fell into the driver’s side door of a couple of cars, which fortunately were stopped at the red light and NOT in motion. His pal, Crazy Mike, finally went out and assisted Drunk Max away from the corner, leaving his “friend” unconscious behind the wooden fence that forms the north boundary of the Bustop Gentleman’s Club.

As inebriated as Drunk Max has been on a daily basis for over a week, Crazy Mike should have called the paramedics to respond and transport DM to detox. I guess that’s expecting too much of CM, who has been drunk himself every day for about three weeks now. No matter — one or more passersby who witnessed this spectacle called 9-1-1. BTW, I don’t own a cell phone.

Shortly after CM got back to what used to be my spot on the wall in front of the Mexican restaurant in the 4900 block of N. Broadway (I’ve moved to a spot farther south along the sidewalk, so people won’t mistakenly associate me with the scurvy bums), two Boulder County SO vehicles pulled up and the deputies got out to confront CM. He admitted what he’d done, saving his own hide by dumping his helpless friend out of sight like a bag of trash, and the deputies quickly drove over to the Bustop’s parking lot to check on DM’s welfare. The ambulance was summoned immediately, and paramedics took the drunkard away.

I was very vocal in my criticism of the bad behavior of both homeless men, but they’re so self-entitled that nothing registers on their pickled brains. Everything that happens to them is somebody else’s fault, don’t you know . . .

Yesterday (Sunday), I tried moving back to my old spot because CM wasn’t around, and a couple of decent guys were sitting there. The three of us didn’t get to talk for very long before Crazy Mike comes rolling up on his bicycle to tell us about other would-panhandlers gathering underneath the bridge spanning Four Mile Creek at Broadway & Rosewood. CM said, “They’ll be coming up here to take over the corner!” This indicated to me that CM is spying on other homeless people, who have recently straightened up and are no longer causing trouble on the corner as they take a turn panhandling, while he continues to invite his stupid friends like Drunk Max and the Louisiana Lunatic to do so. Crazy Mike gets out there and rants and raves, using numerous f-bombs so loudly that it disturbs folks dining on the patio at the nearby restaurant, and he’s become the worst of the bad actors by far.

I told him, “We don’t care about those other people; they aren’t the ones causing trouble now — YOU ARE!” The poor boy (who could be as old as 40, but I’m not sure) started sputtering vague threats against me, and I was hoping he’d walk over and take a swing at me in front of witnesses who could (and would) back my version of events: “Deputy, he swung at me first and then I defended myself by driving the head of my cane into his solar plexus . . .” You hit any drunk there and he’s certain to go down and start puking, which ends the fight.

I’m not about to lose my cool and start a fight with anyone.


NOT Crazy Mike and Drunk Max, but it could be.

Residents in the Dakota Ridge neighborhood have recently gotten more involved in trying to rid this area of the riff-raff, and the brush that was growing up in the ditch along the sidewalk has been cut down, likewise the tall grass underneath the pine trees where the drunks had been wallowing during the day. In fact, much progress has been made.

Still, something needs to be done about Crazy Mike and Drunk Max. I’m concerned that CM is as twisted mentally as James Holmes, and nobody wants to see a massacre at Boulder Shelter for the Homeless — which recently banned CM from its premises, and would be the most likely target for his violent impulses.


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