Pickled pine nuts, and more

DONATING TO A NONPROFIT IS NOT THE SAME AS HELPING THE HOMELESS!

By Max R. Weller

There is Good News and Bad News to report this morning. First, the good news: A return visit by a Boulder County Sheriff’s Office deputy last Friday afternoon caught all five of the regulars in Drunkard’s Wallow, on private property in the 4900 block of N. Broadway where they’ve been trespassing and committing other misdemeanor offenses for the past month. They were told to move along and not return to this spot.

The bad news: Clueless as the bums are, they set up camp yesterday (after being gone on Saturday) underneath one of the pine trees on private property belonging to the Dakota Ridge HOA, about 50′ to the north of where they’d been before. As I understand it, this nicely landscaped area is within the Boulder city limits, so your complaints should be directed to the Boulder Police Department. They conduct regular patrols through the Dakota Ridge neighborhood, and you should direct their attention to the pine trees along the sidewalk at N. Broadway & Laramie Blvd. Trespassing, littering, open containers of alcohol in public, smoking marijuana in public, urinating and defecating in public, fighting, etc. need not be tolerated by nearby business owners, workers, and residents (including the Homeless Philosopher). Worst of all, one of the inebriates is this guy:

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The other white male child molester from Drunkards’ Wallow said that he would be turning himself in on an outstanding warrant today, and he wasn’t one of the wrongdoers yesterday, so I’m going to omit his info.

“Pickled pine nuts” seems like an apt label for ’em, until they get run off again. Then we can call them Bridge House clients.

Hello, I’m Euell Gibbons. Have you ever seen bums in their natural habitat of Boulder, CO? Self-centered and self-medicated, they’re just right for being eaten by bears.

Too much Ritalin? See for yourself in this story’s photo in the Daily Camera:

Ava Howe, left, and Charlie Selders look for their names on the fifth-grade class lists posted Friday at Red Hawk Elementary School in Erie. In the St.

Ava Howe, left, and Charlie Selders look for their names on the fifth-grade class lists posted Friday at Red Hawk Elementary School in Erie. In the St. Vrain Valley School District, most principals posted class lists outside their schools Friday afternoon. (David R. Jennings / Staff Photographer)

They look like Mushroom Children, lily-white from being kept in the dark and fed lots of manure. Not their fault, of course — it’s the PARENTS who are more concerned with so-called socialization than education.

Tonight at my campsite: yet to be determined.

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