Boulder Shelter pansies in full bloom


By Max R. Weller

The premise of these so-called programs at Boulder Shelter for the Homeless (First Step/Transition, Summer Bed Program, Housing First), or any other homeless shelter/services provider, is twofold: 1) To offer a pathway for the helpless and needy clients to become independent, productive citizens; and 2) To appeal to both public and private sources for financial support, never minding that #1 is phony baloney. In fact, the tiny percentage of chronically homeless people who do “get back on their feet” do so on their own, and don’t need the distractions of scamming ne’er-do-wells in any program.

The most that can be hoped for is to warehouse the chronically homeless and lessen the chances they will die on the streets. Having said that, I hasten to add that letting them drink themselves to death in brand new apartments at 1175 Lee Hill (over $200,000 apiece) is no better — dead is dead.

When I arrived at BSH this morning around 5:15, I heard somebody chanting gibberish in the atrium as I waited outside for the door to open at 6AM:

O, bumatee bumatee bumatee

O, bumatee bumatee bumatee

O, bumatee bumatee bumatee

I haven’t any clue what this is supposed to mean, and I’ve given it a phonetic spelling above. It went on continuously for almost ten minutes. I almost rang the doorbell to summon staff, thinking that this precious little program doper was suffering some sort of seizure.

Shortly after it ceased, Rain Man — the guy who admits he came here to Boulder for the weed and is angry about the recent rainy weather — arrived and started telling on himself again! This time, he detailed the larcenous scheme that he and a friend are trying to pull off at local retail establishments; one guy will shoplift merchandise, then the other guy will return it at a later time to get a refund. I can’t believe this works very often, in the absence of a store receipt, and Rain Man himself is so STOOPID he doesn’t understand that being in possession of stolen property is also a crime, just like stealing in the first place. Well, guess what? Rain Man wants to get into the Summer Bed program, in the belief that he can continue to smoke dope and commit petty crimes in the community, and it looks like he will succeed.

Apparently, nobody on staff at BSH is either smart enough or attentive enough to listen to Rain Man telling on himself inside the facility . . .

I have to update the circumstances of the Housing First client — let’s call her “Doris” — who was recently evicted for inviting her drunken friends to stay overnight in her apartment (a BIG no-no without express permission, and then only a few nights per month). She has moved into a nearby field, into a large cardboard box with a small doggie door cut out at the bottom. She is sharing this humble abode with two guys, and yesterday she was so intoxicated she could barely stand upright as she panhandled on the corner of N. Broadway & U.S. 36. Doris (NOT her real name) used to stay down around Baseline in south Boulder, but the 1175 Lee Hill Wet House brought her north, and now my neighborhood may be stuck with her presence for the foreseeable future. Thanks for nothing, Greg Harms and Betsey Martens!


Shutting off the Q & A with north Boulder residents in re Housing First

In addition, this pickled HF alumnus has lost her eyeglasses, and crawls over the barbed-wire fence leading into the field with her cardboard home, instead of walking through either one of two gaps about 10′ wide.

I’ve been drunk many times in the past, before I sobered up more than a dozen years ago, but I don’t believe I was ever as pathetic as Doris. I could be wrong, however; does jogging nekkid at midnight on deserted country roads back in Missouri count?

In closing, today’s Boulder Shelter Pansy Prize has to go to the program resident who was begging staff to make another BIG pot of coffee, when the first ran out, because he lacks the foresight to buy his own instant coffee like I do. No doubt, he has money for cigarettes, booze, and dope; everything else he should be able to get FREE. This is, after all, what local do-gooders led by Joy Eckstine Redstone and Isabel McDevitt are teaching the bums to expect from society.

Addendum: The National Weather Service forecast is looking better, finally. It hasn’t been so bad for me, with books to read and snacks to eat when I’m forced to crawl into my burrow.


2 thoughts on “Boulder Shelter pansies in full bloom

  1. Renee Thompson

    You used to jog nekkid? LOL. What you need to do, Max, is to start drinking heavily, secure one of those apartments, then secretly stop. You could still pretend to be a drinker in order to stay. Hey, that would make a good sit-com.


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