Transient ‘told’ to move along by Boulder ACOs, and more


By Max R. Weller

One of the funniest things I’ve ever witnessed around the corner of N. Broadway & U.S. 36 occurred yesterday afternoon. Here’s the tale:

Another transient I’d never seen before came slowly walking along the sidewalk in the 4900 block, and he continued on into the Dakota Ridge neighborhood, pausing frequently to gaze around as if trying to get his bearings — and failing. After a short time, he came back from there, and decided to settle underneath one of the pine trees on the nicely landscaped private property belonging to the Dakota Ridge HOA.

I was playing the role of humble beggar on the corner at that time, with a perfect view of it all.

Within a very short time after the bum lay down for a nap, the Boulder PD Animal Control van pulled up in the commercial district just south of the residential area. Two ACOs got out and went over to a spot near the sidewalk, where some dead critter was lying (species unknown to this observer). They bagged the carcass, then they spotted the transient nearby.

He apparently saw them at the same moment, and without any conversation being exchanged, the bum jumped up with his backpack, winter coat, and “homeless disaster blanket” obtained at Boulder Shelter for the Homeless and double-timed it back down the sidewalk, headed southbound alongside Broadway.

I was cracking up as I watched the silent drama!

Of course, this ne’er-do-well will probably tell his scumbag friends at Bridge House that he faced down a SWAT team, beat up a couple of the officers before making his escape, and is now considering filing a lawsuit — through the Boulder ACLU — against Boulder PD for harassment. His paranoid, idiot friends will believe him.

City of Boulder Police SWAT Team

I don’t believe the animal control officers were even armed, except perhaps with a tranquilizer dart gun (kept in their van) for use against aggressive four-legged varmints. Perhaps they should also carry a few $5 bus tickets on RTD back to Denver for two-legged varmints like this guy . . .

Too many weird transients from Denver and elsewhere around N. Broadway & U.S. 36 these days, and BSH wants to accommodate them with 15 bonus nights by keeping the emergency dorms open through April 30th.

One of our local bums is pursuing his Ph.D.

He needs the turkey drumstick to beat back amorous coeds.

I plan to read “Don Quixote” by Cervantes sometime soon, so I can make a comparison of that classic with “Ivanhoe” by Scott. Mark Twain did so long ago, and I want to see how closely my own feelings will come to his. I read “Ivanhoe” earlier this year, found it a struggle to finish because of the absurd language invented by its author, and don’t plan to ever read it again.

Perhaps the only poem which ever served as the basis for a western movie:

Eldorado by Edgar Allan Poe

Gaily bedight,
   A gallant knight,
In sunshine and in shadow,   
   Had journeyed long,   
   Singing a song,
In search of Eldorado.
   But he grew old—
   This knight so bold—   
And o’er his heart a shadow—   
   Fell as he found
   No spot of ground
That looked like Eldorado.
   And, as his strength   
   Failed him at length,
He met a pilgrim shadow—   
   ‘Shadow,’ said he,   
   ‘Where can it be—
This land of Eldorado?’
   ‘Over the Mountains
   Of the Moon,
Down the Valley of the Shadow,   
   Ride, boldly ride,’
   The shade replied,—
‘If you seek for Eldorado!’

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