Homeless romance a.k.a. street marriage


By Max R. Weller

Homeless couple on street in San Francisco, CA

This is something I’ve never been tempted to become a part of during all the years I’ve been homeless, since early 2008 in Boulder, CO. And having observed many dysfunctional, often abusive, couples living on the streets here I’m about ready to conclude that they’re ALL mentally ill.

I’m talking about long-term relationships, of course, not “hooking up” to gratify one’s lustful desires; I’ve been tempted more than once by the latter, but the homeless women were attractive and clean and friends I’d known for a while. In the end, I decided NOT to risk ruining a perfectly good, uncomplicated friendship. Besides, I’m an ascetic.

Frankly, I can’t remember ever being drunk enough during the thirty years I spent with Jim Beam to have wanted to bed some dirty, smelly, crazy Rainbow-type chick with hairy armpits worthy of a steel mill worker. To me, only tubal ligation or vasectomy would be more effective means of birth control than the sight of a woman’s hairy armpits:

The hardware in her face is also damn ugly . . .

But, I digress . . .

The typical street marriage of a homeless couple has no legal standing whatsoever, despite the fact that the clueless couple will refer to each other as “husband” and “wife” — along with a lot of other foul names I won’t repeat on my blog. I guess if misery loves company, you might enjoy having a partner to keep dragging down into the gutter, and vice versa. For each loving homeless couple who are supporting each other in an attempt to gain a better life (possible even if they remain homeless), I’ve observed ten couples who are constantly at war both verbally and physically. Drunk and stoned, besides.

What’s the point? You can behave stupidly by yourself.

One of these couples still owes me $20 that I foolishly loaned them way back in 2010 for cigarettes, and they’re on the outs again, with one remaining in subsidized housing and the other at Boulder Shelter for the Homeless. I have no doubt that eventually the two will get back together, but I’ll NEVER see that twenty dollars again.

That’s all for now, folks. “Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.”


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