What I’m learning from other homeless people, and more

By Max R. Weller

Just this morning at Boulder Shelter for the Homeless, I learned that I’ve been wasting my time using the $1 washers to do my laundry. I should be doing what one of the program residents was doing when I walked into the shower area (a half dozen other homeless men following): he was washing clothes underneath a shower (only five are available now, because nothing ever gets fixed), and he was leaning against the wall blocking the narrow entrance to the showers, asleep on his feet like a horse. He sort of looked like the ass end of a draft mule — a big dude. When I told him this wouldn’t work, he replied that he didn’t give a f*** what I liked or didn’t like; nevertheless, he picked up his clothes and got out of our way.

I guess if I were in the Transition Program, I could also come to understand that the world revolves around me and I don’t need to show any consideration for others at all. I’m sure that would set me up for a harmonious relationship with my landlord and my neighbors, if and when I got into subsidized housing of some kind. Yeah, right . . .

Another homeless guy, new to our fair city, has taught me that it’s okay to loiter in BSH after 8AM, the time when everyone not in the program is supposed to be gone from the facility. So what if you accumulate four such infractions of the rule, and have to stay out for a day? Just blame others; it’s so convenient!

And if I did decide to use the $1 washers for laundry, I could use the three which are available all at once, like the newbie mentioned above. If another homeless person objected to my selfishness, as one did with this new guy, I could act like my feelings were hurt. Works like a charm!

If I wanted to become a Traveler, like the Froot Loop couple who don’t like this blog, I could get a second dog and teach it how to be aggressive with the SERVICE ANIMAL (so-called) I would already own (this seems to be a requirement for Travelerhood). I observed this enlightened approach to dog ownership as I was waiting for the SKIP bus outside of BSH this morning.

I could go on, but I’m embarrassed at admitting I have so much to learn about how the homeless ought to behave. How could I be so ignorant after so many years as the Homeless Philosopher?

Read Municipal offenders could be released early, transferred under deal between Boulder, sheriff in the Daily Camera. Quoting from it below:

Boulder officials and Sheriff Joe Pelle have reached an agreement under which municipal offenders could be released early or moved to other jurisdictions at city expense when the county jail is at capacity.

The Boulder City Council will take its first vote Tuesday night on the intergovernmental agreement, which Pelle said he hopes to use as a model for a similar agreement with Longmont.

A second vote and public hearing will take place in August.

The agreement comes as Boulder has reinstituted the possibility of jail time for first-time municipal offenders and asked for longer jail sentences for crimes committed in “high-impact” areas like the municipal campus.

Rodney Honcoop, left, asks Blayd Mattes about his hand while learning to play spades in the Boulder County Jail on Monday. The city of Boulder and Sheriff

Rodney Honcoop, left, asks Blayd Mattes about his hand while learning to play spades in the Boulder County Jail on Monday. The city of Boulder and Sheriff Joe Pelle have reached an agreement concerning the handling of municipal offenders in times of jail overcrowding. (Mark Leffingwell / Daily Camera)

Let’s not forget Boulder County Jail’s FREE Friday night movie with FREE popcorn and FREE soda pop (no charge to the inmates’ commissary accounts). Might be the only county jail in America which provides this special treat for its guests.

My online comment is copied here:

From the article: “Boulder officials and Sheriff Joe Pelle have reached an agreement under which municipal offenders could be released early or moved to other jurisdictions at city expense when the county jail is at capacity.”

Hmmm . . . Wouldn’t it make more sense to put municipal offenders who are transients from Denver and elsewhere on a bus back to the city they came from in the first place? Bus fare out of town should be the extent of Boulder taxpayers’ costs for offenders who have no ties to this city.

Tonight at my campsite: chicken nuggets and lettuce salad, with a big jug of rotgut vodka to wash it down.

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