A perfect day in the trash dump of my life, and more

By Max R. Weller

CU’s Norlin Library was closed Friday and Saturday, at the tail end of Spring Break for the precious little darlings wasting their parents’ money, so I took a couple of days off to enjoy sitting around in my north Boulder neighborhood reading and watching the world go by. And yes, indeed, the spot where I sit in front of the Mexican restaurant in the 4900 block of N. Broadway is literally a trash dump, thanks to the bums who pitch their litter (mostly empty beer cans and plastic vodka bottles) into the roadside ditch there.

Anyway, I was left entirely alone there yesterday — except for the Real People who live in the Dakota Ridge subdivision nearby, who took full advantage of the agreeably warm and sunny weather to jog, walk their dogs, etc. One lady passed by me and remarked, “What a beautiful spot to sit and read a book!” Bless her heart for ignoring the debris left there by the miscreants.

Shouting Joe wasn’t even around Saturday. On Friday, however, he’d started doing this new thing to irritate passersby as he panhandled on the corner of N. Broadway & U.S. 36: standing in the roadway, instead of on the median, and pointing/reaching out repeatedly towards the few people who cared to talk to him (most keep their windows rolled up because he shouts at ’em otherwise, hence the nickname I gave him). Even worse, he was holding cars up AFTER the traffic light had turned green, pissing off a half dozen or so drivers stuck behind in line; they will never give him a penny, and their righteous anger tends to make it more difficult for others like me who aren’t self-centered and disrespectful.

In the absence of the knuckleheads yesterday, I made $12 as humble beggar during the noon hour, then another $33 between 4 and 5PM. I don’t shout, I don’t dance around or march back and forth, my sign is tiny, and I stand on the portion of the median away from the oncoming flow of vehicles. Plus, I’m sober and dressed in clean clothes. Works for me . . .

I bought a novel at King Soopers to read on this two-day break: “Nothing to Lose” by Lee Child, one of the Jack Reacher (homeless ex-Army MP, drifting across America) series. I like the way this author writes sex scenes; succinct, in a single paragraph, with almost all erotic details left to the readers’ imagination. No tumescent body parts, no throbbing and thrusting, no moaning and groaning. Trashy authors like Sandra Brown should take note, and try the minimalist approach to lustful encounters in their own novels. Of course, the plot of “Nothing to Lose” was absurd, but it was simply junk food for the mind and I enjoyed it.

BTW, the character Jack Reacher is 6′ 5″ tall and 250 well-muscled pounds, so why on earth the skinny munchkin Tom Cruise was cast in the movie role is inexplicable.

I hate almost all movies based on books, the “Hunger Games” trilogy being another example. Here’s the actress who ought to have been cast as Katniss Everdeen (olive-colored skin being a big part of the character’s physical presence):

Jessica Alba

On to politics: Boulder City Councilwoman Mary Young is a Froot Loop. Judge for yourself by reading ‘Could fecal DNA database solve Boulder’s dog waste dilemma’ from the Daily Camera. Quoting from it below:

Boulder City Councilwoman Mary Young wants to know how feasible it would be to require DNA samples from dogs with city-issued green tags that could be saved for later comparison to waste found on open space.

Young couldn’t be reached Thursday afternoon, but in a note to the City Council’s “Hotline” email list, she said a community member made the suggestion, and asked Open Space and Mountain Parks to report on the feasibility of the idea at Tuesday’s council meeting.

In the “Hotline” message, Young said the suggestion was to “require a fecal sample when dog owners apply for open space privileges or when renewing their dog licenses. The city would keep a file of the DNA and any poop samples found could be easily identified, and the owner fined accordingly.”

Uh, Ms. Young, the problem in a nutshell is badly-behaved dogs which aren’t properly supervised by their owners. It goes beyond leaving dog crap behind. Years ago, while I was sitting and eating a bologna sandwich on a trail north and west of Dakota Ridge, a family of Boulder yuppies came by and watched as their LARGE unleashed mutt ran over and grabbed my snack right out of my hand. I was speechless. I instantly regretted not having pepper spray with me — for the dog and its moronic owners. I haven’t returned to any hiking trail since then, largely because of my bad hip, but the dogs and dog owners are also an undesirable part of the equation for many of us.

BAN UNLEASHED DOGS ANYWHERE IN PUBLIC!!

Service dog

That’s all for now, folks.

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