The earth should open up and swallow the bums!

By Max R. Weller

And they aren’t even worshipping a Golden Calf, like the Israelites led astray by Edward G. Robinson in Cecil B. DeMille’s “The Ten Commandments”:

Was this hilarious miscasting or what?

It began a week ago . . . As I was leaving Boulder Shelter for the Homeless about 7:15AM, I asked the staff person on duty at the front office if I could have a Red Cross disaster blanket to take with me (they had a new supply in plain sight). I was told, “No — we only give those out at night.”

(I suspect that there has been a public backlash against blankets being used only once and then tossed away into bushes or ditches, and I’ve mentioned this waste before myself. Of course, denying me warmth and comfort won’t solve that problem which I don’t contribute to at all).

I tried again on Sunday morning when a different staff person was on duty at the front office as I left the filthy pigsty of BSH. “No, those are for the people turned away at night [in the lottery for a bed] who don’t want to stay at a warming center.”

I quickly pointed out that I never stay overnight, nor do I stay at any emergency warming center operated by Boulder Outreach for Homeless Overflow. I might have added that the fact I sleep outside frees up a bed for someone else, but I felt as if I was dealing with the Soup Nazi from “Seinfeld” so I just walked out the door rather than debate the issue.


“No blanket for you!”

I would have liked one or two of those wool-blend blankets to put between my sleeping bag and my tarp, to absorb condensation while still trapping heat.

My worry now is this — what will I do if my camping gear is again stolen and the staff at BSH still refuses to give me a blanket? I’m NOT playing their silly lottery because I have no desire whatsoever to be crammed into a dorm with 100 stinking, snoring, farting, noisy, thieving bums — over half of whom are transients from Denver and elsewhere only here for the season.

I doubt that the American Red Cross donated these disaster blankets to BSH with the idea that someone like me would be denied one. In fact, I know they didn’t. The moron who came up with this policy ought to be fired.

As a result of this bureaucratic idiocy, I’ve been afraid to leave my north Boulder neighborhood, and have remained near my campsite all day to guard my meager belongings. I’m sorry that this has caused my friends in the Real World, who read my blog and follow me on Facebook, some anxiety. I’m okay, just pissed off . . .

Thank goodness BOHO is ending nightly emergency warming centers after tonight, and will switch back to using weather-related criteria for opening; maybe the transients will take a hint and get out of our fair city. And thank goodness, also, that BSH will be closing their emergency overnight dorms on April 15th.

I’ve never seen such a sorry collection of misfits anywhere. Sociopathic deviants, some others who are developmentally disabled or mentally ill, substance abusers, natural-born imbeciles, you name it; the homeless shelter/services industry can’t cope with their needs, despite the millions of $$$ being spent here in Boulder.

BTW, the bums worship cigarettes, rotgut vodka, and marijuana. Better that they join Dathan (above) and dance around an idol.


2 thoughts on “The earth should open up and swallow the bums!

  1. Renee

    So glad you’re back, Max. Where can one buy these blankets?

    Without your blog, I would be clueless as to the reality of what’s going on. I also really enjoy your funny stories! Keep up the good work!

    1. homelessphilosopher Post author

      I’ve looked around for wool blankets at retail stores, but haven’t seen any. I’ve seen some online which are way too expensive. I’d be happy with the Red Cross disaster blankets made from recycled wool (and other fibers); they wear out quickly and can’t be washed, but they serve the purpose and are FREE. Unless you’re the Homeless Philosopher, or so it seems . . .


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